The grief for what could have been is very real and very heavy. But you also wouldn’t be where you are now, and I imagine there’s a lot where you are now that you wouldn’t want to give up. Not to mention the fuel you have to help others because of it. You are doing a wonderful thing, and it’s worth what it took to get here. I also highly doubt you’ve lost your sense of humor. It’s one of our most potent survival mechanisms!! Maybe it just felt like after all this time it could finally take a little break.
I feel seen 🥹 thank you, you are absolute right I actually wouldn’t trade it. But imagine if we could avoid it, that should be the future. Oh whilst I’m here I do have this joke about Clint Eastwood and ana…..😬
The term for grieving the life you may have had is disenfranchised grief. I am trying to let go of the life I might have had If I accepted my sensitivity/autism sooner. I truly feel like I was robbed of the opportunity to flourish and maximize my potential and to have a family. I feel sad for 27-year-old me who left teaching. This was in the late 1990s before all the school shootings started taking place. I was supposed to teach a student who threatened to kill me. Bless the counselor who suggested I see a psychiatrist so that I could be excused from finishing the 2 weeks remaining in the school year. Within 10 minutes the psychiatrist said I had an adjustment disorder and made some adjustments to my meds. I began taking antidepressants during my first year of teaching 6th graders. Then, I was given anti-anxiety meds. My primary care doctor suggested doubling the dose, but I refused. When, I was excused from finishing the year all my mom wanted to know was if I would be put in a psychiatric hospital. God forbid a member of the family having that kind of problem!
The most significant event was my mom telling 21-year-old me that if my college sweetheart and I married she would not support me. I never thought my mom liked my boyfriend (or any man to be honest) but if she was so concerned why didn't she talk to me?!?! She was very strategic; she told me this when she had me cornered in the house and when I needed a ride to work. I am bothered that my Dad never talked to me about this, but I forgive him because my mom wore the pants in the family. A few years ago, my brother told me that he told our mom she was too hard on me.
This if why I am here in hopes by sharing this someone else will realize their mom has a problem and get as far away from her as possible. On a brighter note, I am finding happiness and expect there if more coming my way.
Be gentle with yourself; moods definitely fluctuate!
Thank you so much for sharing such personal and profound experiences. What I have learned (and am learning at rapid pace) is exactly as you end, which is a coaching mindset. The space for therapy and counselling to play their roles to work with experiences, with the coaching looking forward, building on this knowledge progressively to create change, opportunity and strategies to influence prevention over cure as our future life unfolds. It is a fascinating psychology and essentially comes so much into understanding ourselves, where our risks and strengths lie, and using that awareness to build an infrastructure that not only protects but helps us thrive.
Which all sounds very positive. And it is. I can see each day that I am building very small steps of practical understanding, batting a way moments of RSD, understanding what may derail me in advance of it happening etc etc.
I am so pleased that you finding happiness and building on all that has been.
Today I am bummed due to my car being in the shop for a couple of days. I will be leaving a chunk of change at the repair shop before I get it back. I hate not having my car, it represents my independence. On the other hand, I am glad the car can be fixed.
The grief for what could have been is very real and very heavy. But you also wouldn’t be where you are now, and I imagine there’s a lot where you are now that you wouldn’t want to give up. Not to mention the fuel you have to help others because of it. You are doing a wonderful thing, and it’s worth what it took to get here. I also highly doubt you’ve lost your sense of humor. It’s one of our most potent survival mechanisms!! Maybe it just felt like after all this time it could finally take a little break.
I feel seen 🥹 thank you, you are absolute right I actually wouldn’t trade it. But imagine if we could avoid it, that should be the future. Oh whilst I’m here I do have this joke about Clint Eastwood and ana…..😬
Still got it!
The term for grieving the life you may have had is disenfranchised grief. I am trying to let go of the life I might have had If I accepted my sensitivity/autism sooner. I truly feel like I was robbed of the opportunity to flourish and maximize my potential and to have a family. I feel sad for 27-year-old me who left teaching. This was in the late 1990s before all the school shootings started taking place. I was supposed to teach a student who threatened to kill me. Bless the counselor who suggested I see a psychiatrist so that I could be excused from finishing the 2 weeks remaining in the school year. Within 10 minutes the psychiatrist said I had an adjustment disorder and made some adjustments to my meds. I began taking antidepressants during my first year of teaching 6th graders. Then, I was given anti-anxiety meds. My primary care doctor suggested doubling the dose, but I refused. When, I was excused from finishing the year all my mom wanted to know was if I would be put in a psychiatric hospital. God forbid a member of the family having that kind of problem!
The most significant event was my mom telling 21-year-old me that if my college sweetheart and I married she would not support me. I never thought my mom liked my boyfriend (or any man to be honest) but if she was so concerned why didn't she talk to me?!?! She was very strategic; she told me this when she had me cornered in the house and when I needed a ride to work. I am bothered that my Dad never talked to me about this, but I forgive him because my mom wore the pants in the family. A few years ago, my brother told me that he told our mom she was too hard on me.
This if why I am here in hopes by sharing this someone else will realize their mom has a problem and get as far away from her as possible. On a brighter note, I am finding happiness and expect there if more coming my way.
Be gentle with yourself; moods definitely fluctuate!
Thank you so much for sharing such personal and profound experiences. What I have learned (and am learning at rapid pace) is exactly as you end, which is a coaching mindset. The space for therapy and counselling to play their roles to work with experiences, with the coaching looking forward, building on this knowledge progressively to create change, opportunity and strategies to influence prevention over cure as our future life unfolds. It is a fascinating psychology and essentially comes so much into understanding ourselves, where our risks and strengths lie, and using that awareness to build an infrastructure that not only protects but helps us thrive.
Which all sounds very positive. And it is. I can see each day that I am building very small steps of practical understanding, batting a way moments of RSD, understanding what may derail me in advance of it happening etc etc.
I am so pleased that you finding happiness and building on all that has been.
Thank you.
Today I am bummed due to my car being in the shop for a couple of days. I will be leaving a chunk of change at the repair shop before I get it back. I hate not having my car, it represents my independence. On the other hand, I am glad the car can be fixed.
😭
😢